Beware of this dating strategy that is used by narcissists to keep their victims in line. Future Faking, as the name itself suggests, has to do with building a beautiful picture of what’s to come without the actual intention of following through.
In most cases, you won’t have to wait a few years before you fight out the future sold to you was fake. The narcissist you’re trying to date will already be giving you small red flags to show you they’re full of hot air.
How to spot future faking
If it feels too good to be true, it probably is. Watch out for promises of what life could be that feel empty. They want to have children with you, build that picket fence, buy you a big fat diamond – but it hasn’t been that long, and the fulfilment of these promises is nowhere in sight. Many of us get swept off our feet when we see or hear about commitment, but there is a way to sort through reality and future faking.
- Real life is rarely a rom-com, so if you have found someone who’s love bombing you and moving too fast, take it with a grain of salt. No one who wants a real commitment would ever jump in head first. A balanced relationship requires solid communication, which requires solid time.
- Some people fall for future faking because it makes them feel wanted and needed. The reality is that it is very rare for someone to come to this conclusion about someone they just started dating. The likelihood is that they are not looking to build a life with you, but rather for a quick hook-up with minimal effort.
- Things that move too fast are a red flag for relationships in general, but especially so if they’re with someone who keeps selling you the moon without having a spaceship.
- When things start to crumble, any attempts to communicate hurt over the changing goalposts are met with criticism and disdain.
Future fakers are not evil
Well, not all of them, anyway. In most cases, a narcissist who isn’t malignant will fall hard and fast before getting bored and moving on. Their own ego is at the forefront of any and all actions that they take, and once that need is satiated, they have no reason to stick around. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) often do not start out wanting to entrap or fool someone, but their behaviour results in them doing so anyway.
Seldom do they actually stop to think that their actions are impacting their partners in the horrendous way that they do (because let’s face it, if they could tell, they would stop). Once the rush of the new relationship wears off, so does their enthusiasm for their promises and the future. And can you fault someone for no longer wanting the same things? In most situations, the victim/partner is left wondering what went wrong, often left alone to pick up the pieces of their torn apart self-esteem.
The only thing you can do is watch out for the signs and then steer clear of someone who exhibits them. You will be trading short-term whirlwind, movie-style romance for long-term peace and stability.
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